Geez, I haven't blogged in a long time, it seems. What in the world has been going on with you, Jackie?
Nothing. Absolutely positively nothing. Face it, I am boring. For all of you that thought I had an exciting life, I hate to have to break it to you. It just ain't there!
Now, on to the real stuff!
The Friday before last, I took the girls to (gasp) WalMart. I hate that store. It is about the most irritating place to go. Why do people shop there? Seriously. Why?
Anyway, to make a long story short. I went out to leave, and locked my keys in the truck. Second time in about four months. Actually, C. was nice enough to crank the truck and left the keys in them, and locked the truck when he got out. Luckily we were at church that night, because it was about 35 degrees outside.
So, forty bucks later, I have a truck unlocked and Ted's Lock and Key are richer. I must say, I won't use anyone else. Those are THE fastest locksmiths I have ever dealt with.
I do want to thank M, and S.B. for giving me their nasty stomach virus. I spent all day yesterday either throwing up, or running the bathroom. They didn't have it that bad. They threw up once. Then David got it, and he had the other problem. But, me? No. I got both. How sweet that they loved me so much to give me both! I really don't know how to thank them!
Well, tonight is the last night of voting for Emery in the Gerber Baby Contest! Will she win? Oh, I doubt it. But, do I think she's the most sweetest, cutest, precious, should-be-Gerber Baby?? Of course. I <3 you, Em!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
95% Sure, I think
Gosh, I can't believe I forgot to tell the story of the week last week. It was like THE most exciting thing that has happened in like two weeks.
So, last Wednesday night, (wasn't that the night we killed the snake?) actually early Thursday morning, I heard my dog and the next door neighbors dogs tearing it up outside. Which in turn, woke up S.B. because it was right next to her window. As I am getting out of the bed at 4:05 a.m. I told myself that I needed to put my glasses on. No, I argued, I could make it to their room with my eyes closed, in the dark. So, I didn't put my glasses on. Now, I am very blind without my glasses. I am near sighted, but I can't read anything that is a foot away from me without my glasses. I make it back there to get S.B. and on my way back, I decide to look out the window in the front of the house, to see if see something. (yeah, right!) When I peek out my front window (it's a big window) I SWEAR I see someone standing at the truck,-medium build, hat on, white male, it looked like- and the back passenger side door was open. They were standing in front of the door that was open. Between the door that was open, and the side view mirror. So, of course I go to my room, and get my glasses and look out my window, which is right in front the truck. The only thing I see is the door still open. So, I cautiously nudge David and say "Hey David, I think someone has been in the truck. The door is open." Of course, he jumps up and runs over to the window. All the while, I am saying "Meet me in the hall. Just meet me in the hall." And he thinks I am saying "They are in the hall. They are in the hall". So, he comes running out to the hall, and knocks his leg on the cedar chest at the end of our bed. After he realizes that there is no one in the hall, he is calm.
He goes and looks out the window, and looks and looks and looks. I finally ask him if he wants to call the law. Sure, he says. Look up the number. OKAY-since I can't turn any lights on, that should be easy. So, I say why don't you call 911. Looking back, I realize that was a stupid thing to suggest. But, hey, at least I had some sort of valid reason. He called. They came, and looked all around the house. All the while, we were standing outside propped up on his car talking. The conversation is like this:
David: "Are you sure you seen someone?"
Me: "Of course, I am sure. I mean, as sure as someone who didn't have their glasses on. But, pretty sure."
Me: " Well, C. came outside...no that was before you got home, so you would have seen the door open, right?"
David: "Well, L. did come out to get his wife (which is a big stuffed unicorn, and that's another story) out of the truck. Do you think he left it open?"
Me: "Ok. Let me try to explain this to the Officer when he comes back. Officer, we were sorry to bother you. But, my nine year old son came out here to get his wife out of the truck and left the door open. We hope you understand. You really think that's gonna work? Anyway, I think I seen somebody. Really, I do."
David: "OK"
The two officers came back from searching all around our barn and asked us if anything was missing out of the truck. No, we responded, and if there is anything, we probably wouldn't know for at least another week. He went over to look at the truck. "So, does it look like someone went through your truck?" "Ummmm, no, that's what it looks like all the time."
Those officers were happy to have something to do. They made their plans to ride here and up there and all over looking for the person that might or might not have been in our driveway.
Later, after they left and we got back into bed. David asked me, "Ok. On a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being not sure at all and 10 being 100%, how sure were you that you seen someone?"
Me: "About a 6. Goodnight."
So, last Wednesday night, (wasn't that the night we killed the snake?) actually early Thursday morning, I heard my dog and the next door neighbors dogs tearing it up outside. Which in turn, woke up S.B. because it was right next to her window. As I am getting out of the bed at 4:05 a.m. I told myself that I needed to put my glasses on. No, I argued, I could make it to their room with my eyes closed, in the dark. So, I didn't put my glasses on. Now, I am very blind without my glasses. I am near sighted, but I can't read anything that is a foot away from me without my glasses. I make it back there to get S.B. and on my way back, I decide to look out the window in the front of the house, to see if see something. (yeah, right!) When I peek out my front window (it's a big window) I SWEAR I see someone standing at the truck,-medium build, hat on, white male, it looked like- and the back passenger side door was open. They were standing in front of the door that was open. Between the door that was open, and the side view mirror. So, of course I go to my room, and get my glasses and look out my window, which is right in front the truck. The only thing I see is the door still open. So, I cautiously nudge David and say "Hey David, I think someone has been in the truck. The door is open." Of course, he jumps up and runs over to the window. All the while, I am saying "Meet me in the hall. Just meet me in the hall." And he thinks I am saying "They are in the hall. They are in the hall". So, he comes running out to the hall, and knocks his leg on the cedar chest at the end of our bed. After he realizes that there is no one in the hall, he is calm.
He goes and looks out the window, and looks and looks and looks. I finally ask him if he wants to call the law. Sure, he says. Look up the number. OKAY-since I can't turn any lights on, that should be easy. So, I say why don't you call 911. Looking back, I realize that was a stupid thing to suggest. But, hey, at least I had some sort of valid reason. He called. They came, and looked all around the house. All the while, we were standing outside propped up on his car talking. The conversation is like this:
David: "Are you sure you seen someone?"
Me: "Of course, I am sure. I mean, as sure as someone who didn't have their glasses on. But, pretty sure."
Me: " Well, C. came outside...no that was before you got home, so you would have seen the door open, right?"
David: "Well, L. did come out to get his wife (which is a big stuffed unicorn, and that's another story) out of the truck. Do you think he left it open?"
Me: "Ok. Let me try to explain this to the Officer when he comes back. Officer, we were sorry to bother you. But, my nine year old son came out here to get his wife out of the truck and left the door open. We hope you understand. You really think that's gonna work? Anyway, I think I seen somebody. Really, I do."
David: "OK"
The two officers came back from searching all around our barn and asked us if anything was missing out of the truck. No, we responded, and if there is anything, we probably wouldn't know for at least another week. He went over to look at the truck. "So, does it look like someone went through your truck?" "Ummmm, no, that's what it looks like all the time."
Those officers were happy to have something to do. They made their plans to ride here and up there and all over looking for the person that might or might not have been in our driveway.
Later, after they left and we got back into bed. David asked me, "Ok. On a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being not sure at all and 10 being 100%, how sure were you that you seen someone?"
Me: "About a 6. Goodnight."
Saturday, August 14, 2010
If it ain't one thing, it's ten
OH Where do I begin?
It's been so hectic around here. You would think with two kids being gone, that things would be a bit easier here. But, that's not how it works in the Metcalf Household. We defy everything that is suppose to be right. And if given the chance we'll turn it in to a disaster, probably!
Let me get you caught up- S.B. decided to flush Cookie Monster down the toilet. Now, I don't know what this kid has against the members of Sesame Street. But, she definitely has it out for them. If you ever meet her, try to not get on her bad side. I believe she can do some damage to you. David came to me (when I had JUST settled in to listen to some tunes on the computer with my headphones) and said "You gotta get your camera and come and see this." Now, to me, that could only mean two things: 1.) There was a really touching moment between the siblings or 2.) Something drastic had happened and I needed proof. I was sure of the latter.
So, I get my camera and walk down the hall, only to find S.B.'s sleeper drenched in water. It was right in front of the bathroom. I look to the left (bathroom) and there was water ALL. IN. THE. FLOOR. I was afraid-really afraid of what waited on me. So, the toilet lid flew open, and there he was. Sitting in the toilet, just smiling at me. After about dying of laughter, I managed to get a few shots.
Wednesday night when we came home from church, I realized that the garage light was left on. When I opened the door to turn the light off, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a snake. A baby snake, none the less. But a snake. Snakes do not bother me. You might find that odd. But, they don't. Now, they bother David...ALOT. So, I calmly say to him, "David, there is a snake out in the garage". He slowly went out there, and moved things around until he got him cornered. He also got a small Sterilite pencil box to put the snake in, along with two spatulas. He was armed and dangerous. Last we seen of the snake, he was under a tote. If you have ever seen my garage, you would be surprised if there WASN'T anything living in it. It seriously needs an overhaul. But, David moved everything around the tote, and stood there. "Jackie, you stand right there, incase he comes out that way, you can step on him". My response, "WHAT?? STEP ON HIM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have sandals on, you have shoes on. What if he bites me?" So, he moved the tote, and I seen his head, and David just kept standing there and kept moving the tote, so I said "Fine, I'll kill him, give me a spatula." He hands me the spatula, and I stab it right down on the snakes head and decapitate him. And pick it up and put it in the box. End of story. We did find out that it was a corn snake, and nothing venomous. So, we killed a snake that could kill the mice around here. But, then I thought that Simon does such a good job of killing and decapitating them, I wouldn't want him to feel neglected.
That was all within a weeks time. Or maybe less. :)
It's been so hectic around here. You would think with two kids being gone, that things would be a bit easier here. But, that's not how it works in the Metcalf Household. We defy everything that is suppose to be right. And if given the chance we'll turn it in to a disaster, probably!
Let me get you caught up- S.B. decided to flush Cookie Monster down the toilet. Now, I don't know what this kid has against the members of Sesame Street. But, she definitely has it out for them. If you ever meet her, try to not get on her bad side. I believe she can do some damage to you. David came to me (when I had JUST settled in to listen to some tunes on the computer with my headphones) and said "You gotta get your camera and come and see this." Now, to me, that could only mean two things: 1.) There was a really touching moment between the siblings or 2.) Something drastic had happened and I needed proof. I was sure of the latter.
So, I get my camera and walk down the hall, only to find S.B.'s sleeper drenched in water. It was right in front of the bathroom. I look to the left (bathroom) and there was water ALL. IN. THE. FLOOR. I was afraid-really afraid of what waited on me. So, the toilet lid flew open, and there he was. Sitting in the toilet, just smiling at me. After about dying of laughter, I managed to get a few shots.
Wednesday night when we came home from church, I realized that the garage light was left on. When I opened the door to turn the light off, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a snake. A baby snake, none the less. But a snake. Snakes do not bother me. You might find that odd. But, they don't. Now, they bother David...ALOT. So, I calmly say to him, "David, there is a snake out in the garage". He slowly went out there, and moved things around until he got him cornered. He also got a small Sterilite pencil box to put the snake in, along with two spatulas. He was armed and dangerous. Last we seen of the snake, he was under a tote. If you have ever seen my garage, you would be surprised if there WASN'T anything living in it. It seriously needs an overhaul. But, David moved everything around the tote, and stood there. "Jackie, you stand right there, incase he comes out that way, you can step on him". My response, "WHAT?? STEP ON HIM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have sandals on, you have shoes on. What if he bites me?" So, he moved the tote, and I seen his head, and David just kept standing there and kept moving the tote, so I said "Fine, I'll kill him, give me a spatula." He hands me the spatula, and I stab it right down on the snakes head and decapitate him. And pick it up and put it in the box. End of story. We did find out that it was a corn snake, and nothing venomous. So, we killed a snake that could kill the mice around here. But, then I thought that Simon does such a good job of killing and decapitating them, I wouldn't want him to feel neglected.
That was all within a weeks time. Or maybe less. :)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Things I learned this Summer
Well, Summer is at an end. *sigh* I am so freakin' happy! WHOO HOO! My boys go back to school tomorrow, and they are so excited, and so am I! In order not to hurt my feelings, they have sworn themselves to secrecy about their true feelings about homeschooling. In other words, they hated it. But, I don't think they hated it as much as me. At least for all of them. I am still homeschooling M., and am actually excited about that!
So, on to the better stuff. Here are some things I learned this summer:
* BOYS HAVE STUN.
What is stun you ask? In an effort to keep boy conversation to a minimum, the boys have come up with code names for their, um, you know... and that happens to be stun for nuts. I am sure you all wanted to know that. But, hey, that's what happens when you live with boys. Ain't no shame in their game!
* THE MEMBERS OF SESAME STREET NEED TO TAKE SWIMMING LESSONS
Sorry, 123 Sesame Street, but you guys definitely need to learn how to swim. Ernie almost drowned twice. And Cookie Monster was revived after a few minutes in the toilet. Take some time to train your Monsters so they can swim. Geez.
* MY OBSESSION WITH EDWARD IS UNHEALTHY
David tells me all the time that I need help. I tell him that I am not obsessed with Rob Pattinson, but Edward. I couldn't care less about Rob Pattinson so much as that he is Edward. Edward magnets on the refrigerator. Edward shirt. Edward necklace. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse. AGH! It's so bad that my boys ask me " Momma, do you love me or Edward more?"
* BOYS LIKE TO BLOW UP THINGS
Anyone with boys knows this is so true. This is probably only reason that I don't like Fourth of July. I mean, I like the 4th. But, I hate that every time I turn around, my kids are taking their action figures and blowing them up on the driveway. It looks like a toy factory gone bad. I still find body parts laying around the yard.
* COUPONING IS ADDICTIVE
Is that a word? If not, it should be. My new obsession is Publix. I LOVE Publix. I am going to marry it someday. Not really, but David probably wouldn't mind that kind of bigamy. Right? My goal every week is to see if I can save more than I can spend. So far, so good. I know that there is so much more to learn. But, it's exciting. I think my obsession with coupons is right under my obsession for Edward. At least my kids think so. It must be a problem, because I am in denial.
EDITED TO ADD: After doing a spell check- Couponing is NOT a word. Just in case you wondered!
* MY KIDS ARE A+ EXTERMINATORS
After I went to be one night, they managed to help Simon to wrangle a mouse down, and proceeded to finish him off. And was so polite as to clean up their mess by flushing it down the toilet.
* WASHING DISPOSABLE DIAPERS IS A NO-NO!!!
Enough said.
* FAT BABIES ARE THE BEST!
I love fat babies. They are so healthy looking. Em is a probably pushing about 22lbs now. She weighed 19 about a month or so ago. So, I would guess as much as she eats, she is very close to being sumo wrestler. I see that in her future. At least before she turns one! :)
* THAT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS SIBLING LOVE!
I am sure S.B. will wake up in the morning and call them all day long. I think I will take the camera and see the expression on her face when we pick them up tomorrow. She's been with them every day for the past year. I think it'll be kinda hard for her.
I did learn alot this summer, but most of it I can't remember. So, this is what you get. :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Put your clothes on man!
So, today was M's first day of dance. She signed up for Jazz, and wanted to try the Acro class afterwards. So, that was two hours that we would need to find something to do. So, what do you do with three kids and a hot afternoon? Of course, you go riding around with the windows down.
Seriously, what is the grossest thing you can think of right now? The decapitated mouse in my earlier post? Or maybe something really disgusting?
Well, whatever it is, it's not going to beat this. We were riding down the road and we seen this guy mowing his lawn. From afar, way afar, he looked to be about 45-50. He had some Daisy Duke swimming shorts on. Now, I don't know about you girls (or guys reading this), but as much as I love David, I am not going to tell him to put those swimming trunks he had when he was 12 and go mow the front yard. The only thing missing was the pockets hanging out from underneath.
So, I tell L. to get the phone ready, I have to take a picture of this guy and send it to his Daddy, so he'll know how NOT to mow the yard when he's 50.
Only when I got closer, the guy was not only pushing the lawnmower, he was pushing 70, too. Did I mention that he didn't have a shirt on?
So, it was a definite that I had to figure out C.'s phone to get a picture of the guy. So, we sat in a parking lot across the street while we tried to get a picture. It never happened.
Anyway, the moral of my story is this: Wives, please don't let your husbands start wearing this kind of stuff when in front of others when they get "up in the age".
I honestly don't think that guy minded. He was in great shape and didn't care one bit.
Seriously, what is the grossest thing you can think of right now? The decapitated mouse in my earlier post? Or maybe something really disgusting?
Well, whatever it is, it's not going to beat this. We were riding down the road and we seen this guy mowing his lawn. From afar, way afar, he looked to be about 45-50. He had some Daisy Duke swimming shorts on. Now, I don't know about you girls (or guys reading this), but as much as I love David, I am not going to tell him to put those swimming trunks he had when he was 12 and go mow the front yard. The only thing missing was the pockets hanging out from underneath.
So, I tell L. to get the phone ready, I have to take a picture of this guy and send it to his Daddy, so he'll know how NOT to mow the yard when he's 50.
Only when I got closer, the guy was not only pushing the lawnmower, he was pushing 70, too. Did I mention that he didn't have a shirt on?
So, it was a definite that I had to figure out C.'s phone to get a picture of the guy. So, we sat in a parking lot across the street while we tried to get a picture. It never happened.
Anyway, the moral of my story is this: Wives, please don't let your husbands start wearing this kind of stuff when in front of others when they get "up in the age".
I honestly don't think that guy minded. He was in great shape and didn't care one bit.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
It's been a poopy day!
Well, I am late again! This is two nights in a row where I haven't hit my midnight deadline. So, I am actually two days behind. UGH. Sorry, trying to find something interesting to write about is getting....well, hard to do. I mean, there is something always interesting going on around here, but remembering what happened when I sit down to write is hard. Very hard.
I am slowly, but surely, trying to get S.B. to use the potty. According to her, everyone goes Poo-poo. Ernie goes poo-poo, Cookie Monster goes poo-poo, Elmo goes poo-poo, Momma goes poo-poo, M. goes poo-poo, Bay-bay goes poo-poo- see where I am going with this? Everyone but S.B.!
So, today, she was being awful quiet. So I say "S.B., do you need to poo-poo?"
"Yes"
"Let's get your diaper off and sit on the potty"
"okay"
So, I get her diaper off and put Elmo on the TV (yes her potty is in the living room) , and tell her to stay on the potty. She sits there, and sits there, and I go in the other room. (Big mistake) After a bit, she comes in here. I ask her if she poo-pooed and she said "no". So, I get up and go in there, and there it is. Laying in the floor. I ask her "S. WHY didn't you use the potty?" Of course, no response - at all. It's like I put a muzzle on her mouth. Then what really makes it funny is that M is laying in the floor RIGHT BY IT. I say "M- look!" She about died.
"Oh, ugh. Gross. Ugh. Momma. ooh. Ugh. I didn't see it! Ugh."
"I am glad that you didn't get your head in it or anything. That would have been bad."
Of course, I am dying laughing here. Because, M is never still. Ever. She moves all the time. So, when I went in there, she was like dancing in the floor laying down. She would have had a come apart if her hand or head or any part of her body would have gotten on the poop in the floor.
S.B. still hasn't peed or pooped in the potty yet. There's always tomorrow! :)
I am slowly, but surely, trying to get S.B. to use the potty. According to her, everyone goes Poo-poo. Ernie goes poo-poo, Cookie Monster goes poo-poo, Elmo goes poo-poo, Momma goes poo-poo, M. goes poo-poo, Bay-bay goes poo-poo- see where I am going with this? Everyone but S.B.!
So, today, she was being awful quiet. So I say "S.B., do you need to poo-poo?"
"Yes"
"Let's get your diaper off and sit on the potty"
"okay"
So, I get her diaper off and put Elmo on the TV (yes her potty is in the living room) , and tell her to stay on the potty. She sits there, and sits there, and I go in the other room. (Big mistake) After a bit, she comes in here. I ask her if she poo-pooed and she said "no". So, I get up and go in there, and there it is. Laying in the floor. I ask her "S. WHY didn't you use the potty?" Of course, no response - at all. It's like I put a muzzle on her mouth. Then what really makes it funny is that M is laying in the floor RIGHT BY IT. I say "M- look!" She about died.
"Oh, ugh. Gross. Ugh. Momma. ooh. Ugh. I didn't see it! Ugh."
"I am glad that you didn't get your head in it or anything. That would have been bad."
Of course, I am dying laughing here. Because, M is never still. Ever. She moves all the time. So, when I went in there, she was like dancing in the floor laying down. She would have had a come apart if her hand or head or any part of her body would have gotten on the poop in the floor.
S.B. still hasn't peed or pooped in the potty yet. There's always tomorrow! :)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Cat
Many of you know, or have seen or heard me talk about Simon. Yes, Simon my cat. Probably the biggest cat you'll ever know in real life. If I did believe in reincarnation (which I don't), I would most definitely bet money that Simon was a dog in his other eight lives. Because, whenever we have company come over, he'll go over and jump up on their legs, and wait for you to scratch his head. That's only with company. He's such a show off. He hates us. He never, ever does that stuff to me. It's kinda like your kids. You tell someone that they done such and such, and when that person is around them, they never do it. That's Simon. He gets so excited when new people come over. But, all he does to us is attack us. Every once in awhile, he'll leave us a present in the living room. A decapitated mouse. Yeah, nice. Can't remember when I have had such a nice present left.
I do remember one morning, going and getting S.B. up, and bringing her to the living room. And about 10 minutes later, I spotted Jerry laying over in the corner without a head. Nice. I was just thankful that S.B. didn't find that. *yuck* I can only imagine.
Last night, we were sitting on the couch and C. asked me "Momma, I wonder how much longer Simon will live?" Me, being such the optimist, said "Oh, he'll live until he's 12 or thirteen, maybe longer."
And across the room, I hear a scoff. "Psh, that cat will be dead in four years. Look how fat he is." Thanks, David!
I gasp and say, "Uh, David, don't say that. He has alot of good years ahead of him."
"No, he don't. I bet his little kitty heart is just working overtime. Can you imagine? We'll need a kitty defibrillator to keep him going."
So, if anyone knows of a defibrillator that fits a 25lb. cat, let me know.
I do remember one morning, going and getting S.B. up, and bringing her to the living room. And about 10 minutes later, I spotted Jerry laying over in the corner without a head. Nice. I was just thankful that S.B. didn't find that. *yuck* I can only imagine.
Last night, we were sitting on the couch and C. asked me "Momma, I wonder how much longer Simon will live?" Me, being such the optimist, said "Oh, he'll live until he's 12 or thirteen, maybe longer."
And across the room, I hear a scoff. "Psh, that cat will be dead in four years. Look how fat he is." Thanks, David!
I gasp and say, "Uh, David, don't say that. He has alot of good years ahead of him."
"No, he don't. I bet his little kitty heart is just working overtime. Can you imagine? We'll need a kitty defibrillator to keep him going."
So, if anyone knows of a defibrillator that fits a 25lb. cat, let me know.
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