'Tis the Season

In light of the Christmas Holidays, we here at the Metcalf house like to write our own Christmas Carols. What could be more fun than writing your own Christmas Carols?  I'll tell you- actually living them out. Through the next week or so, I am going to share with some of our favorites.  I am going to start out with a simple one. It's to the tune of Jingle Bells. Ya'll all sing along now.

Riding in the truck, along the highway.

All the kids are crying "I can't have my way!"

If they don't quit fighting, I'm gonna blow my top.

Then someone's going to yell, "Someone call the cops!"

"Oh, going to jail, going to jail. Momma's going to jail.

Oh what fun it will be to see her in her cell."

Merry Christmas!

Thanks, Em!

If anyone knows me, they know that I don't have a good track record with my cell phones. I go through them about as much as I go through underwear. Ok, not really, but pretty close.

Now, I try to be a good mother. Teething baby + Cell phone = not a good combination. She LOVES my phone. She always wants to chew on it. I didn't see a problem with that. I mean, I was on a roll. I have had this phone for 5 months. It's probably a record!  So, being the nice mother that I am, I let her chew on it.
Stupid mistake if you ask me. Which I didn't ask me, because I let her chew on it! But, the whole screen had condensation in it, and the screen went out! Really. Ugh. I am so upset.  So, now I am stuck with a phone that doesn't work, with no insurance, and I can't renew.

So, if you text me and I don't text back. It's because I can't read it!

Nothing much going on around here!

Geez, I haven't blogged in a long time, it seems. What in the world has been going on with you, Jackie?
Nothing. Absolutely positively nothing. Face it, I am boring. For all of you that thought I had an exciting life, I hate to have to break it to you. It just ain't there!

Now, on to the real stuff!

The Friday before last, I took the girls to (gasp) WalMart. I hate that store. It is about the most irritating place to go. Why do people shop there? Seriously. Why?
Anyway, to make a long story short. I went out to leave, and locked my keys in the truck. Second time in about four months. Actually, C. was nice enough to crank the truck and left the keys in them, and locked the truck when he got out. Luckily we were at church that night, because it was about 35 degrees outside.
So, forty bucks later, I have a truck unlocked and Ted's Lock and Key are richer. I must say, I won't use anyone else. Those are THE fastest locksmiths I have ever dealt with.


I do want to thank M, and S.B. for giving me their nasty stomach virus. I spent all day yesterday either throwing up, or running the bathroom. They didn't have it that bad. They threw up once. Then David got it, and he had the other problem. But, me? No. I got both. How sweet that they loved me so much to give me both! I really don't know how to thank them!

Well, tonight is the last night of voting for Emery in the Gerber Baby Contest! Will she win? Oh, I doubt it. But, do I think she's the most sweetest, cutest, precious, should-be-Gerber Baby?? Of course. I <3 you, Em!

95% Sure, I think

Gosh, I can't believe I forgot to tell the story of the week last week. It was like THE most exciting thing that has happened in like two weeks.

So, last Wednesday night, (wasn't that the night we killed the snake?) actually early Thursday morning, I heard my dog and the next door neighbors dogs tearing it up outside. Which in turn, woke up S.B. because it was right next to her window. As I am getting out of the bed at 4:05 a.m. I told myself that I needed to  put my glasses on. No, I argued, I could make it to their room with my eyes closed, in the dark. So, I didn't put my glasses on. Now, I am very blind without my glasses. I am near sighted, but I can't read anything that is a foot away from me without my glasses. I make it back there to get S.B. and on my way back, I decide to look out the window in the front of the house, to see if  see something. (yeah, right!) When I peek out my front window (it's a big window) I SWEAR I see someone standing at the truck,-medium build, hat on, white male, it looked like- and the back passenger side door was open. They were standing in front of the door that was open. Between the door that was open, and the side view mirror.  So, of course I go to my room, and get my glasses and look out my window, which is right in front the truck. The only thing I see is the door still open. So, I cautiously nudge David and say "Hey David, I think someone has been in the truck. The door is open." Of course, he jumps up and runs over to the window.  All the while, I am saying "Meet me in the hall.  Just meet me in the hall." And he thinks I am saying "They are in the hall. They are in the hall". So, he comes running out to the hall, and knocks his leg on the cedar chest at the end of our bed. After he realizes that there is no one in the hall, he is calm.
He goes and looks out the window, and looks and looks and looks. I finally ask him if he wants to call the law. Sure, he says. Look up the number. OKAY-since I can't turn any lights on, that should be easy. So, I say why don't you call 911. Looking back, I realize that was a stupid thing to suggest. But, hey, at least I had some sort of valid reason. He called. They came, and looked all around the house. All the while, we were standing outside propped up on his car talking. The conversation is like this:

David: "Are you sure you seen someone?"
Me: "Of course, I am sure. I mean, as sure as someone who didn't have their glasses on. But, pretty sure."
Me: " Well, C. came outside...no that was before you got home, so you would have seen the door open, right?"
David: "Well, L. did come out to get his wife (which is a big stuffed unicorn, and that's another story) out of the truck.  Do you think he left it open?"
Me: "Ok. Let me try to explain this to the Officer when he comes back. Officer, we were sorry to bother you. But, my nine year old son came out here to get his wife out of the truck and left the door open. We hope you understand.  You really think that's gonna work? Anyway, I think I seen somebody. Really, I do."
David: "OK"

The two officers came back from searching all around our barn and asked us if anything was missing out of the truck. No, we responded, and if there is anything, we probably wouldn't know for at least another week. He went over to look at the truck. "So, does it look like someone went through your truck?" "Ummmm, no, that's what it looks like all the time."

Those officers were happy to have something to do. They made their plans to ride here and up there and all over looking for the person that might or might not have been in our driveway.
Later, after they left and we got back into bed. David asked me, "Ok. On a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being not sure at all and 10 being 100%, how sure were you that you seen someone?"
Me: "About a 6. Goodnight."

If it ain't one thing, it's ten

OH Where do I begin?

It's been so hectic around here. You would think with two kids being gone, that things would be a bit easier here. But, that's not how it works in the Metcalf Household. We defy everything that is suppose to be right. And if given the chance we'll turn it in to a disaster, probably!

Let me get you caught up- S.B. decided to flush Cookie Monster down the toilet. Now, I don't know what this kid has against the members of Sesame Street. But, she definitely has it out for them.  If you ever meet her, try to not get on her bad side. I believe she can do some damage to you.  David came to me (when I had JUST settled in to listen to some tunes on the computer with my headphones) and said "You gotta get your camera and come and see this."  Now, to me, that could only mean two things: 1.) There was a really touching moment between the siblings or 2.) Something drastic had happened and I needed proof.  I was sure of the latter.
So, I get my camera and walk down the hall, only to find S.B.'s sleeper drenched in water. It was right in front of the bathroom. I look to the left (bathroom) and there was water ALL. IN. THE. FLOOR. I was afraid-really afraid of what waited on me. So, the toilet lid flew open, and there he was. Sitting in the toilet, just smiling at me. After about dying of laughter, I managed to get a few shots.

 Wednesday night when we came home from church, I realized that the garage light was left on.  When I opened the door to turn the light off, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a snake. A baby snake, none the less. But a snake. Snakes do not bother me. You might find that odd. But, they don't. Now, they bother David...ALOT. So, I calmly say to him, "David, there is a snake out in the garage". He slowly went out there, and moved things around until he got him cornered. He also got a small Sterilite pencil box to put the snake in, along with two spatulas. He was armed and dangerous. Last we seen of the snake, he was under a tote. If you have ever seen my garage, you would be surprised if there WASN'T anything living in it. It seriously needs an overhaul. But, David moved everything around the tote, and stood there. "Jackie, you stand right there, incase he comes out that way, you can step on him".  My response, "WHAT?? STEP ON HIM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have sandals on, you have shoes on. What if he bites me?" So, he moved the tote, and I seen his head, and David just kept standing there and kept moving the tote, so I said "Fine, I'll kill him, give me a spatula." He hands me the spatula, and I stab it right down on the snakes head and decapitate him. And pick it up and put it in the box. End of story. We did find out that it was a corn snake, and nothing venomous. So, we killed a snake that could kill the mice around here. But, then I thought that Simon does such a good job of killing and decapitating them, I wouldn't want him to feel neglected.

That was all within a weeks time. Or maybe less. :)

Things I learned this Summer

Well, Summer is at an end. *sigh* I am so freakin' happy! WHOO HOO! My boys go back to school tomorrow, and they are so excited, and so am I! In order not to hurt my feelings, they have sworn themselves to secrecy about their true feelings about homeschooling. In other words, they hated it. But, I don't think they hated it as much as me. At  least for all of them.  I am still homeschooling M., and am actually excited about that!

So, on to the better stuff. Here are some things I learned this summer:

* BOYS HAVE STUN.

   What is stun you ask?  In an effort to keep boy conversation to a minimum, the boys have come up with code names for their, um, you know... and that happens to be stun for nuts. I am sure you all wanted to know that. But, hey, that's what happens when you live with boys. Ain't no shame in their game!

* THE MEMBERS OF SESAME STREET NEED TO TAKE SWIMMING LESSONS

   Sorry, 123 Sesame Street, but you guys definitely need to learn how to swim. Ernie almost drowned twice.  And Cookie Monster was revived after a few minutes in the toilet. Take some time to train your Monsters so they can swim. Geez.

*  MY OBSESSION WITH EDWARD IS UNHEALTHY

    David tells me all the time that I need help. I tell him that I am not obsessed with Rob Pattinson, but Edward. I couldn't care less about Rob Pattinson so much as that he is Edward. Edward magnets on the refrigerator. Edward shirt. Edward necklace. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse. AGH! It's so bad that my boys ask me " Momma, do you love me or Edward more?"

*  BOYS LIKE TO BLOW UP THINGS

    Anyone with boys knows this is so true. This is probably only reason that I don't like Fourth of July. I mean, I like the 4th. But, I hate that every time I turn around, my kids are taking their action figures and blowing them up on the driveway. It looks like a toy factory gone bad. I still find body parts laying around the yard.

*  COUPONING IS ADDICTIVE

    Is that a word? If not, it should be. My new obsession is Publix.  I LOVE Publix. I am going to marry it someday. Not really, but David probably wouldn't mind that kind of bigamy. Right?  My goal every week is to see if I can save more than I can spend. So far, so good. I know that there is so much more to learn. But, it's exciting. I think my obsession with coupons is right under my obsession for Edward. At least my kids think so. It must be a problem, because I am in denial.

EDITED TO ADD: After doing a spell check- Couponing is NOT a word. Just in case you wondered!

*  MY KIDS ARE A+ EXTERMINATORS

    After I went to be one night, they managed to help Simon to wrangle a mouse down, and proceeded to finish him off. And was so polite as to clean up their mess by flushing it down the toilet.

*  WASHING DISPOSABLE DIAPERS IS A NO-NO!!!

     Enough said.

*  FAT BABIES ARE THE BEST!

    I love fat babies. They are so healthy looking. Em is a probably pushing about 22lbs now. She weighed 19 about  a month or so ago. So, I would guess as much as she eats, she is very close to being sumo wrestler. I see that in her future. At least before she turns one! :)

*  THAT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS SIBLING LOVE!

    I am sure S.B. will wake up in the morning and call them all day long. I think I will take the camera and see the expression on her face when we pick them up tomorrow. She's been with them every day for the past year. I think it'll be kinda hard for her.

I did learn alot this summer, but most of it I can't remember. So, this is what you get. :)

Put your clothes on man!

So, today was M's first day of dance. She signed up for Jazz, and wanted to try the Acro class afterwards. So, that was two hours that we would need to find something to do. So, what do you do with three kids and a hot afternoon? Of course, you go riding around with the windows down.

Seriously, what is the grossest thing you can think of right now?  The decapitated mouse in my earlier post? Or maybe something really disgusting?
Well, whatever it is, it's not going to beat this. We were riding down the road and we seen this guy mowing his lawn. From afar, way afar, he looked to be about 45-50. He had some Daisy Duke swimming shorts on. Now, I don't know about you girls (or guys reading this), but as much as I love David,  I am not going to tell him to put those swimming trunks he had when he was 12 and go mow the front yard. The only thing missing was the pockets hanging out from underneath.
So, I tell L. to get the phone ready, I have to take a picture of this guy and send it to his Daddy, so he'll know how NOT to mow the yard when he's 50.
Only when I got closer, the guy was not only pushing the lawnmower, he was pushing 70, too.  Did I mention that he didn't have a shirt on?
So, it was a definite that I had to figure out C.'s phone to get a picture of the guy. So, we sat in a parking lot across the street while we tried to get a picture. It never happened.
Anyway, the moral of my story is this:  Wives, please don't let your husbands start wearing this kind of stuff when in front of others when they get "up in the age".
I honestly don't think that guy minded. He was in great shape and didn't care one bit.

It's been a poopy day!

Well, I am late again! This is two nights in a row where I haven't hit my midnight deadline. So, I am actually two days behind. UGH. Sorry, trying to find something interesting to write about is getting....well, hard to do. I mean, there is something always interesting going on around here, but remembering what happened when I sit down to write is hard. Very hard.

I am slowly, but surely, trying to get S.B. to use the potty. According to her, everyone goes Poo-poo. Ernie goes poo-poo, Cookie Monster goes poo-poo, Elmo goes poo-poo, Momma goes poo-poo, M. goes poo-poo, Bay-bay goes poo-poo- see where I am going with this? Everyone but S.B.!
So, today, she was being awful quiet. So I say "S.B., do you need to poo-poo?"

"Yes"

"Let's get your diaper off and sit on the potty"

"okay"

So, I get her diaper off and put Elmo on the TV (yes her potty is in the living room) , and tell her to stay on the potty. She sits there, and sits there, and I go in the other room. (Big mistake) After a bit, she comes in here. I ask her if she poo-pooed and she said "no". So, I get up and go in there, and there it is. Laying in the floor. I ask her "S. WHY didn't you use the potty?"  Of course, no response - at all. It's like I put a muzzle on her mouth. Then what really makes it funny is that M is laying in the floor RIGHT BY IT. I say "M- look!" She about died.
"Oh, ugh. Gross. Ugh. Momma. ooh. Ugh. I didn't see it! Ugh."
"I am glad that you didn't get your head in it or anything. That would have been bad."
Of course, I am dying laughing here. Because, M is never still. Ever. She moves all the time. So, when I went in there, she was like dancing in the floor laying down. She would have had a come apart if her hand or head or any part of her body would have gotten on the poop in the floor.
S.B. still hasn't peed or pooped in the potty yet. There's always tomorrow! :)

The Cat

Many of you know, or have seen or heard me talk about Simon. Yes, Simon my cat. Probably the biggest cat you'll ever know in real life. If I did believe in reincarnation (which I don't), I would most definitely bet money that Simon was a dog in his other eight lives.  Because, whenever we have company come over, he'll go over and jump up on their legs, and wait for you to scratch his head.  That's only with company. He's such a show off. He hates us. He never, ever does that stuff to me. It's kinda like your kids. You tell someone that they done such and such, and when that person is around them, they never do it. That's Simon. He gets so excited when new people come over. But, all he does to us is attack us. Every once in awhile, he'll leave us a present in the living room. A decapitated mouse. Yeah, nice. Can't remember when I have had such a nice present left.
I do remember one morning, going and getting S.B. up, and bringing her to the living room. And about 10 minutes later, I spotted Jerry laying over in the corner without a head. Nice. I was just thankful that S.B. didn't find that. *yuck* I can only imagine.

Last night, we were sitting on the couch and C. asked me "Momma, I wonder how much longer Simon will live?"  Me, being such the optimist, said "Oh, he'll live until he's 12 or thirteen, maybe longer."
And across the room, I hear a scoff.  "Psh, that cat will be dead in four years. Look how fat he is." Thanks, David!
I gasp and say, "Uh, David, don't say that. He has alot of good years ahead of him."
"No, he don't. I bet his little kitty heart is just working overtime. Can you imagine?  We'll need a kitty defibrillator to keep him going."
So, if anyone knows of a defibrillator that fits a 25lb. cat, let me know.

It's Getting Hot in Here

...so take off all your clothes. No, not really. I am sure that you don't want me to take off all my clothes. Of course, I felt like it plenty of times today. It's been burning up down here. It doesn't help that the humidity is 83% either.

Today was a long day.  I took M. to get her dance stuff today. She is a true girl, too. She tried on 6 different outfits, and picked out the first one she tried on. When we were checking out, the young lady behind the counter said "Ya'll look so much alike!" I said "Yes, that's what alot of people say. I am her older sister. "
Of course, M. says "Uh-uh! You're my momma." Then I think she said something about me being old and all. But, I tuned her out. After that remark, I seriously thought about making her put her outfit back. She didn't need it anyway.

She's taking Jazz this year. Any of you mothers that have let their daughters take dance lessons, knows what kinds of outfits they wear. I swear, if you look at all the outfits, it's like  looking in a hooker's closet. (Probably what that girls closet we seen in Kangaroo last night looks like, too.)  Luckily, we found an outfit that weren't quite Daisy Dukes, and covered her tummy. So, the mission was accomplished.  There was no way that M would have made it out of there with any of those outfits if her daddy had been with her. In all honesty, no one sees her wear this except the teacher and girls in her class. There are no boys (that I know of yet) in her class.

After I got home, I had to get ready to go and do a photo shoot. Can you say HOT? ALOT HOT! It was about 97 degrees, and miserable. After that, I really felt like I almost passed out. Had a headache ever since.
David cooked steaks tonight, and it was really good. I am so thankful for such a wonderful husband. He truly is the bomb. I hate that he's going back to work Monday. It's back to the grind for everyone. *sigh*

Nine days until school starts! I don't know who is more excited- me or the kids. :)

I am going to end it with a picture I took of the girls reading together. It's a sweet picture. S.B. wanted to sit in M.'s lap.

Goodnight!

Freaky Friday

I realized tonight that Friday Nights are mostly made of freaks. All kinds of freaky, crazy people come out on the weekends.

Let me back up to say that David and I had a date night tonight. Yes, tonight someone came and watched ALL of our kids so we could go out on a date. 

Let me back up again- I left this morning around 10:30 to run some errands. I was on a mission to find some things for some photo shoots coming up. I called David and very politely asked him to PLEASE wash the clothes that were laying under the ironing board. ( Why were the clothes under the ironing board you ask? Well, because I have so many loads to do, I have to put them somewhere. I know you understand.)  He said, sure. But, we need some fabric softener. I then replied, OK, I have to stop by Publix (I heart Publix) and get some formula, I will get some fabric softener. (I endorse Snuggle Blue Sparkle, in case you're wondering)(is that enough parentheses?) Went by Publix, got said fabric softener and formula and returned only to find that the clothes were still under the ironing board. So, I asked him again to wash the clothes. I could have done it at this point, but I didn't. So, he washed them at 3pm, everything that I could wear tonight was still damp by the time we were suppose to leave at 4:30. So, I ended up wearing damp jeans. Yay! But, they smelled really good.

After we left, we were on our way to Outback Steak House. We waited. We ate. We left. Blah blah blah.
On our way to see Grown Ups. Has anyone seen that movie? It wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. I didn't find any plot to the story. And it was just kinda- stupid, I guess.

Then it was on to Ross's Dress for Less store, Target, and finally Kangaroo gas station. The most interesting of these was Kangaroo. You really forget what kind of freaky people lurk out in the night. Maybe one who is- well, I can't really describe her. The way she dressed (like a stripper), the way she acted (like her crap didn't stink) and the way she talked (like she was on drugs). After the encounter with the Stripper, because we were almost positive that is what she done for a living, David and I got back in the car and talked about how horrible we would be in the partying scene these days. And I got on soap box on what goes through a woman's mind to make her want to dress like that? Seriously, I don't understand. Women get so mad when men make remarks to them about how HOT they look when they are sitting there wearing nothing but enough fabric to cover a few things on their bodies. Look around, ladies. Think about what you are wearing. Chances are that if you dress like a hooker, then men are going to treat you like one. Don't wear stuff that degrades you as a woman. Be proud to dress modestly. Treat your body with a little respect, because you deserve it.

I'm done. :)

Sleep is for the weak...

Go me! I have done nothing ALL.DAY.LONG. Wait, I did get up to go to the bathroom. Then I came back and laid down on the couch and went back to sleep.
I guess everyone needs a day to be lazy, right? 

Well, today was National Lasagna Day. I really hate that I missed it. I could have whipped up some good ole lasagna in no time. But, if you read the paragraph above, you would remember that I was asleep all day. So, instead we ate pizza for lunch (compliments of Tombstone and my wonderful husband), and then cereal for supper.
Mark your calendar for tomorrow, though. It is National Cheesecake Day. I want every mom to go out and buy themselves a piece of cheesecake.  Eat a piece for yourself and anyone that you want. But, whatever you do, don't share. Because, I know, (and you can't hide it, either) that you are tired of sharing with all the little mouths in your family. If you are like me, you hide candy and chocolate in hopes that you can sit down to eat it by yourself and enjoy EVERY. LITTLE. BITE.  Only to find it weeks or months later because you never had the time. So, tomorrow, treat yourself to a little cheesecake. And maybe if you're lucky, you can get a few minutes to yourself!

We need some potty training over here!

...and I don't mean that kind of potty! I mean potty mouth.
Yes, S.B. learned a new word today. But, let me reassure you it wasn't from us. It was from her own vocabulary. Yesterday while we were at Cathedral Caverns, we bought her a frog. Today, on the way to Point Mallard, she started saying "frog", but it came out as the f-bomb.  Yes, the f-bomb. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. She just kept saying it over and over and over. Literally. My boys, of course, were rolling. They thought that it was so funny.  Yes, right. Trying explaining that to the next person that will, eventually, hear her. I am betting that it will be on Sunday Morning during prayer or something. When everyone can hear her.

Our day at Point Mallard was almost uneventful. Until Luke decided to swim without opening his eyes, and whacked his nose on the steps. Or after Maleah cut the bottom of her foot. Which really wasn't that bad, but it's always so dramatic with her.

Either way, it's bedtime here at the Metcalf house. At least for me, anyway. These crazy people can stay up and watch TV all night long. I am hitting the pillow.  Trying to get rid of the right sided migraine that wants to stay with me. Of course I am not making any sense. But, really, do I ever??

Vacation Day #2

Today was a normal day. I say normal, because nobody was near drowning, running out in the road, or trying to  break an arm or leg. So, yes it was normal. YAY! So, this post might be just a little boring. :)

We left today headed for our second day filled with fun! WHOO HOO!!!

Destination- Cathedral Caverns

Have you ever heard of Woodville, AL? Yeah, I didn't think so. I am not sure if there is anything in it besides Cathedral Caverns State Park. But, if it is, I missed it.
In all the years I have lived in the beautiful State of Alabama, I have never went to CCSP. At least not that I could remember it, anyway.
So, for all of you that  does not know about how the Caverns came to be, let me give you a history lesson.

Cathedral Caverns was once known as Bat Cave. (The only thing I could think about when the guide told us this was, "To the bat cave".) A man by the name of Jay Gurley sold everything he had to buy the place. He work ten years to make it a show cave.  When he showed it to his wife for the first time, she said the Big Room in the cave looked like a cathedral, so he changed the name to Cathedral Caverns. Wise man, Jay!
He would charge people .25 to enter the cave. He kept the cave until 1974.  IN 1975, it was sold at an auction. The State of Alabama  bought it in 1987, and didn't have the money to fix it up. Finally, in 1995, they started working on it, and it was opened in 2000 as a state park.  Listed below are the five world records that the State claims that the CCSP has :

*  Largest Commercial Cave Entrance
*  Largest column in the world. Goliath measures 45 feet tall and 243 feet in circumference.
*  Largest flow stone wall which is 32 feet tall and 135 feet long.
*  Most improbable formation in the world. A 3 inch diameter stalagmite rises at a 45 degree angle from a   rock formation to the cave ceiling 25 feet above.
*  A Big Room, which is 792 feet long and 200 feet wide.

You can take that with a grain of salt.
But, the one fact that you really need to know in all of this is: I walked 1.3 miles today, inside a cave that was filled with 45 degree inclines, and made it out alive!  Now that is a record! :)

Here are  some pictures from today-

Notice the Cave Man at the top. He's holding a club. It's so easy, even a cave man can see it. :)

Honest Abe's silhouette. No, it's not really him.

Vacation Day #1

Today was the first day of David's vacation. We have been looking forward to him being off since he went back to work after Em was born.  We slept late. Got up. Got everyone ready and headed to:

Destination #1- Ice Skating.

Ice Skating, you may ask? Yes, ice skating. It had been awhile (like 20+ years) since I had been on the ice. I say that like it was once a great pastime of mine. I think the last time I went ice skating was when I was 9, and I tried the triple lutz, and fell on my lutz. Since then, I decided that the Olympics weren't in my future, so I gave it up. No, wait, I went one more time back in '95, and barely could get off the wall. Still no one was calling me to come and skate, so I gave up. Today was different. I actually made it from one end to the other, without holding on to the wall. I didn't fall, either.  I am sure that the only reason that my phone has not rung, is because they don't have my cell phone number.

Destination #2- Funntasia Miniature Golf

After leaving the ice skating rink, we headed over to play some miniature golf.  I actually had a coupon in the mail to use that gave us 2 pizzas, 2 pictures of coke, and 5 rounds of 18 hole golf for only $30. I was so excited! When we arrived, David went in and ordered our pizza, and I got all the kids out, we went in and ate and blah blah blah...nothing interesting about eating.  We finally get out putters and our golf balls, and head out. I thought to myself,  "Self, this is a fenced in place. S.B. will do great. There really isn't anything that she can get INTO. Pretty much a place for her to run free, so we don't have to keep yelling at her to come back. That sounds great!" I patted myself on the back for thinking such a great thing. I think it was around the 8th or 9th hole that she found a big rain puddle, and got her sandals soaked. No problem, just wet sandals, right? The 14th hole, she found a mud puddle, and decided to sit down in that. She had mud all over her shorts, down her leg, and on her sandals. Still, I thought, this is vacation. I am going to be relaxed. She is just being a two year old.  Hole #16 is when I lost it. Not only did David come back and was beating me, (I was in first place), Em was fussing. So, I decided that Em had had enough, so I took her back to the deck on the building, and was changing her diaper. When I heard- I am going to stop there and ask for you to imagine with me- this place had a very nice deck over a miniature little lake. See where I am going with this?

When I heard, "Agh. S. fell in the water. S. fell in the water." Imagine the fear that came across me when I couldn't see her, or where she was, or if she had come up, or was face down, or anything. All I knew at the time was that I couldn't get to her because Em was laying on the table getting her diaper changed, David was across the bridge. I can't really tell you what happened, but my Knight in Shining Armor came to the rescue.  C. (our firstborn) jumped in and got her and pulled her out.  When he got there, she had already came up and was sitting on her knees, and coughing. I think she was in shock. She never cried. All she said was "Ernie". Yep, you guessed it. Ernie went down with her. So, guess who got in and got Little Ernie out?
The same Knight in Shining Armor. After it was all said and done, and she looked like a poor orphan child, she said "Ernie tay bath?"

After we went back inside, the man behind the counter gave S.B. a Ernie that had been there for awhile. I guess that Ernie was waiting for us. Thank you man behind the counter at Funntasia. All of that called for a drive by Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Thankfully, the HOT sign was up.  We got our dozen doughnuts and called it a night!

Today's Milk Bath is brought to you by the Letter "S"

.......S.B.'s fascination is with Ernie these days. It use to be Blue's Clues. Then it was Cookie Monster or Num Num as she calls him. Then it was Elmo, and still partly is. But, mostly now it's Ernie. Ernie. Little Ernie has to go with her all the time. Literally. She won't sleep with him. She just knocks him out of the bed. I guess she's getting ready for when she's older and married (or I hope married.)

Anyway, this morning we were (trying) to get ready to go to church. And I heard "Momma, Ernie! Momma, Ernie!" Or course, I am just passing it off, until she says "Momma, Ernie tay bath." When I walk by, Ernie is standing in her cereal bowl, smiling and waving at me, along with his accomplice. He must have known that milk does the body good. S.B. was so proud of herself.

And I was, too.   She was actually giving Ernie a bath. A milk bath, but hey I ain't complaining. He was starting to smell. I thought it was so cute.  Until I seen this:

Oh well.

You Might Be a Redneck If...

So, today was a Redneck-y kind of day. Just about the only thing that wasn't rednecky was me going school shopping with L. this morning.  Even then, it was almost rednecky. Especially when we were in Old Navy and he was pushing the buggy right on my heels, and ran over the back of my foot. That's when I yelled "Ah! Get off my foot. Ugh! Quit getting right up on me." Did I say that I yelled that? Just making sure. Because I think everyone in the whole store heard me. If anyone knows me, they know that I can pretty much handle major pain: labor, birth, c-section, surgery-anything of that sort. But, if something accidently happens like today, or being hit in the nose by the swing (another story, another day), I don't tolerate that very well. To say the least, it ticks me off.
So, when I get home, David is cleaning out the garage. Our icky, icky, spider and bug infested garage.  But, when I arrive, I see S.B. running around in her diaper (that is hanging), hair not brushed (bird's nest in back). It was truly a moment to be proud of. The only thing missing was her holding a gun or cigarette or something.

When I go inside, I see this:

How many of you can say that your 5 month old and your cat are the same size? Actually Simon is bigger than Em.  Em weighs a mere 19lbs. compared to the 25lb. cat.  So, all of you who thought that I was kidding when I said my cat was bigger than my baby. Ha!  I wasn't lying.

Shortly after, I put my doo-rag on and joined in. Me and M. made our way to The General, and I wore it there. Later on to K-Mart, and I wore it there. On through to Mickey D's drive-thru. It was great! Looking back, I should have taken my teeth out, and just went all out. (No, I didn't take a picture of me with the Doo-Rag.)

That's how today went. A lovely, beautiful, HOT Alabama day!

A Boy and His Dog

Deciding that I need some practice (well, alot actually), my second born offered his services today. It's a rare chance that I actually get him to take pictures. That is unless it's of his things: stuffed animals, toys, hotwheels, baseballs, bats, glove, etc. But, hardly of him. So, I did. He is really a sweet  boy, and I should take more time to get some pictures of him.
We let the dog out (whoo whoo whoo) (yes, I know that you are singing that song now, and I am truly sorry! :)) to get a few pictures of her and the said son!

Now isn't this the cutest picture you have ever seen? I guess I need to check him for ticks. LOL. I'll get back to you on that!